The Spark

I haven't written in awhile. To be honest, it's because I am not sure what I really have to say. I am so impressed at the insights and depth into which everyone is reading, and honestly, I just feel a little lost as to what to say. I still feel as though I am drowning in the ocean and at most I am processing the stories, but barely comprehending any great meaning behind them.

Or, the light bulb goes on when someone else says something, or when Dr. Sexson expands upon the stories in class, but as far as what to write, I am totally lost on what to say that is even worth reading.

So today, after Walter and James' faked little argument, I began to think....Isn't it all so much simpler than all of this?

Love is easy. It's the living around it that gets hard.

And that seems to be what these stories are about. And I really enjoy them and I have learned so much, but as to what they mean on all these different levels seems to be a depth of the ocean that I have yet to reach.

It is my first year of school. So maybe I can cut myself some slack. But I have never felt so utterly lost on grasping greater meanings than in this class. Usually I am good at reading the text and thinking about ideas beyond what is blatantly laid out. But here, in this class, and at this reading, I am failing at getting to the point beyond which I simply enjoy the reading.

Rambling.

I have been thinking.

We make too much of a drama out of love. The loving part is easy. It really is. It's the lives colliding, and the world spinning, and the ticking of time that drives us to believe that it is hard.

I have been in love with the same man for over three years. And I won't say that it has been easy, because it hasn't. But, the loving is always easy, it's the living around it that gets tricky.

Is that what these stories are about? Because lately it seems as though it is all focused upon events and we miss out on the spark, the true motive behind the actions. What about the love? Where is the love in all of these romances?

Where is the spark and why aren't these stories about that, instead of wild adventures? Entertaining, sure. But romantic? We get the details, but we don't get the look. We don't get the feel of a calloused hand reaching out. We don't get to look into the eyes. We don't get to feel the sheets and we don't get to drink the coffee after making love all night.

The only thing we get, is the laughter. That seems to be the only connection between us and these stories. I don't feel in them, unless I am laughing. I am reading them, but I am not along side them.

Does any of this even make sense?!

I hope so. And if not, I'll keep trying and hopefully it will soon make sense.